


you're more important

by eunseo



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Aromantic Character, Asexual Character, Coming Out, M/M, Misunderstandings, but don't really have any dialogue, leon percival lance and gwen are mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-01
Packaged: 2018-04-07 02:31:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4246095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eunseo/pseuds/eunseo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merlin is asexual, and thinks that Arthur won't date him if he realizes Merlin isn't interested in sex. He is wrong.</p>
<p>("au where the non-asexual character gives up sex to be with the asexual character instead of the other way around")</p>
            </blockquote>





	you're more important

When Merlin and Arthur first met, they hated each other. They’d met when Lancelot threw a party; Gwen had invited Merlin and Lancelot had invited Arthur and their first interaction was an argument when Arthur poured his drink on someone’s head. Merlin thought Arthur was a privileged rich prat who hurt others for a cheap laugh. Arthur thought Merlin was a nosy nobody with no discernible IQ.

 

And then they kept seeing each other everywhere: on campus during free hours, at the coffee shop in the morning, at the library on weekday evenings.

 

The next time they had a conversation, however, was not until two months after the party. Leon had invited Merlin, Gwen, and Lancelot to the pub and since they had many mutual friends, Merlin agreed. However, he didn’t expect Arthur to be there. He’d glared daggers at him, and when he wasn’t mentally stabbing Arthur, he talked to basically anyone who wasn’t the blonde sitting across from him.

 

Arthur, however, was doing his own bit of staring. Upon closer, less drunk inspection, he found that Merlin was fairly attractive. Bright blue eyes, raven black hair, ridiculously high cheekbones, and large ears that suited him somehow. He knew he’d been an asshole at the party, so when Merlin offered to get the next round, he offered to help him. Merlin glared warily at Arthur but he didn’t say no, so when Merlin started walking, he followed.

 

“If you’re helping me to get a chance at pouring beer on me, I will smash a liquor bottle against your head,” Merlin said conversationally.

 

“Actually, I came to help so I could apologize. I know I was being a right dick at the party.”

 

“Tell that to the person who got alcohol poured on their head.”

 

“I did,” Arthur admitted. “Look, I don’t want you to think I’m an asshole, all our friends are friends, I don’t see why that can’t be the same for us.”

 

Merlin smirked. “Maybe because you’re a clotpole?”

 

They grabbed their drinks and started walking back to their friends.

 

“Clotpole? That’s not even a word,” Arthur smiled.

 

“Sure is. Here, I’ll define it for you. Clotpole, noun, meaning: Arthur Pendragon.”

 

“You’re such an idiot,” Arthur said with a laugh, and from then on, it was easy banter between the two.

 

+

 

Over the next few months, they grew to be close friends, though their friendship was an odd one. They bantered and made insults at each other that neither of them meant. They hung out at least once a week, sometimes with other friends but other times, it was just them. It was really no surprise to Merlin that after five months, his feelings for Arthur had become not entirely platonic. At times he felt like his feelings might be returned, when he noticed Arthur looking at him the same way he assumed he looked at Arthur sometimes, though Merlin never became too hopeful because even if his feelings were returned, he was asexual, and Arthur was very much not. Not only was he asexual but he had absolutely no interest in actually having sex, an interest that Arthur very much had. Sex helped Arthur relax whenever he was stressed, and it was something he enjoyed completely (a sentiment that was shared among their friends). Thus, even if Arthur shared his feelings, Merlin believed the relationship wouldn't go very far once Arthur realized sex and Merlin weren't things that went together. So, Merlin pretended to not notice the looks Arthur sent his way, and instead played wingman for him when they all went out to pubs (though Arthur never asked it of him).

 

+

 

Merlin always knew he was asexual, though he didn't know there was a word for asexuality until Morgana. It wasn't until he was 16 and Morgana 17 that she came out as aromantic, explaining to him how some people never felt romantic attraction, the same way some people don't experience sexual attraction. He sat next to her, mouth ajar and didn't realize he had started crying until Morgana said his name softly, in a concerned tone.

 

"I didn't know there were other people like me," he whispered, tears falling down his face.

 

"Oh, Merlin," Morgana said, embracing him tightly. "You're never alone."

 

+

 

Aside from Gwaine, Gwen, Lancelot, and Morgana, Merlin wasn't exactly out to their friends. That being said, he wasn't exactly not out to their friends. He didn't pretend to have one night stands, or hook ups, though he never stopped his friends from believing he had sex with people he was in relationships with. Mostly, his friends never asked about his lack of hook ups and he never said anything about being asexual. It had always been that way and he was okay with that.

 

Of course, Merlin should have known that someone would mention it at some point. It wasn't until about nine months after he met Arthur that Arthur thought it'd be a good idea to return the favor and play wingman for Merlin.

 

"You absolutely do not need to do that," Merlin replied rolling his eyes, hoping no one noticed how uneasy the conversation was making him.

 

"Of course I do, Merlin," Arthur said waving him off.

 

"Yea, Merlin you haven't been with anyone in ages," Elyan said. Merlin was starting to get nervous when he made eye contact with Gwaine.

 

"Oh, come on fellas, leave poor old Merlin alone. I'm sure he's happy doing what he's doing," Gwaine said easily, putting a hand on Merlin's shoulder.

 

Arthur, Elyan, Percival, and Leon looked at Merlin as if waiting for him to protest.

 

"I'm happy doing what I'm doing," he said instead, and thankfully his friends dropped the conversation.

 

+

 

It wasn't until about a week later that Arthur asked Merlin about it.

 

They were at a diner, waiting for Morgana to arrive when Arthur suddenly put down his menu.

 

"Alright, I know it happened more than a week ago but why didn't you want me to be your wingman? Is it because you don't think I'd be good? Because I'm a great wingman, Gwaine and Elyan can vouch for me," Arthur said, frowning.

 

Merlin laughed. "That's not it. You're bad at a _lot_ of things-" Arthur looked affronted and opened his mouth to protest before Merlin put his hand up to stop him, "- but that's not why I stopped you. Hooking up with people is just... not my style. When I said I didn't need you to, I said it because it wasn't really something that I wanted."

 

Arthur looked contemplative for a moment, before he looked down at his menu and back up at Merlin. "I didn't realize. Sorry I didn't listen to you at the pub."

 

"Wait, say that again, I thought you said sorry, but that can't be right," Merlin replied, smirking.

 

"If you think I'm going to repeat myself, then you don't know me at all, Merlin," Arthur countered, smiling.

 

 

Morgana arrived not long after, and they ordered. Somehow, the conversation turned to Morgana and her non-existent love life.

 

"Honestly, Morgana, I know you're a minx with no moral compass, but I'm sure even _you_ could get a date" Arthur asked, disbelievingly.

 

"The problem isn't really people's interest in me, it's my interest in them since I'm aromantic and all."

 

 

Considering Arthur's confused expression, it wasn't something _he_ knew. The look quickly passed, and Merlin could see that Morgana no longer looked tense. Arthur shrugged before looking at Merlin as if waiting for him to say something.

 

Merlin laughed to hide how nervous the turn in conversation had made him. "Not sure what you want me to say considering I'm extremely romantic."

 

For a moment, Merlin could swear Arthur looked relieved before Arthur smirked. "Yes, Merlin, we all know you're a sap."

 

+

 

It took a month for Arthur to ask Merlin out, and in that month "please don't ask me out" became a constant mantra for Merlin. It's not that Merlin didn't want Arthur to ask him out because _he did_ but he didn't want to replay all his past relationships where they "took it slow" for three months and then he'd get dumped because apparently a relationship meant nothing if there was no sex involved.

 

They were at the pub when it happened. Finals had just ended and everyone was free to stay in the pub as long as they wanted. One hour and two beers in, Arthur and Merlin somehow ended up sitting next to each other on one side of a booth. They talked about nothing in particular when Arthur suddenly quieted down and looked directly at Merlin.

 

"Arthur?" Merlin asked worriedly.

 

"Merlin."

 

"Are you going to finish your sentence or should I order some food to pass the time?"

 

Arthur huffed, smiling softly. "No, Merlin. I was just going to ask if you wanted to get coffee this week. As a date."

 

When he looked back at Merlin, something about Merlin's expression must have communicated how uneasy he felt about the question because Arthur went from hopeful to disappointed in the blink of an eye, before he caught himself and his face became blank.

 

"Arthur," Merlin said softly. He hated the idea that he could upset Arthur like that.

 

"Don't worry about it, I understand. I should get going though, have work in the morning," Arthur replied before quickly leaving the pub. While it was true that Arthur had work in the morning, it wasn't something that had stopped him from staying at the pub until three in the morning, and Merlin found himself wanting to follow him, though he decided against it. He didn't realize it meant Arthur would avoid him.

 

+

 

After five days of not seeing Arthur, Merlin finally decided to tell Arthur. He would rather go through another rejection than to have Arthur absent from his life.

 

When he reached Arthur's flat, he knocked on the door before his nerves made him change his mind. He heard footsteps nearing the door and braced himself for the conversation that would follow.

 

The door opened, and Arthur's surprised face greeted him.

 

"Merlin?"

 

"Can I come in?" Arthur sighed, but stepped aside to let Merlin in.

 

"What do you need?" Arthur asked.

 

"The reason why I didn't say yes to coffee isn't because I don't like you," Merlin said in a rush.

 

"What?"

 

"I like you. A lot. I just didn't want to be disappointed when you found out I'm..."

 

"When I find out you're what?" Arthur frowned.

 

"I'm asexual," Merlin said, looking straight at Arthur.

 

"That's... it?"

 

"Wait... what?"

 

"I really don't see the big deal," Arthur said, confusedly.

 

"The big deal is that I will never be attracted to you sexually and I don't want sex! If we were in relationship, we wouldn't have sex. Ever. At all," Merlin replied, getting frustrated.

 

"Merlin, I want to be in a relationship with you, regardless of whether or not sex is going to have a part in it," Arthur said, reaching out to hold Merlin's hand.

 

"But..."

 

"It's true I like sex," Arthur continued, as if reading Merlin's mind. "But it's not something I need. You're more important than sex," he said softly.

 

"Are you sure? Because you can't just dump me if you decide I'm not worth giving up sex for, you can't do that," Merlin said, cursing himself when his voice broke and his eyes watered.

 

"I swear it, Merlin," Arthur replied, bringing Merlin's hands to his lips and kissing his knuckles softly.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write this because as an asexual, I always identified with Merlin even though asexual Merlin is only a headcanon. I tried to not make it angsty as I didn't want this to be triggering or upsetting to asexual readers, but at the same time, I felt that it was really important for me to address problems that asexuals face, like the lack of visibility, and having to combat the idea that sex is necessary in a relationship. 
> 
> tumblr: anakens


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